Halloween

Cally has been planning her Halloween costume for the better part of a year.  Once she gets an idea, she hangs on to it.  She even grew her hair so she could make sure the costume worked!  Hazey, agreed to be Pippi's pet monkey, Mr. Nilsson.  That costume was easy enough, as he's used the same brown costume for three years in a row. 

I was so glad that John was back for many reasons, but first and foremost was pumpkin carving.  He made a pretty sweet unicorn and robot:

We had the unique opportunity to ride on a trailer up Bolger Road to do some tricker treating with these fun kids:

Hazey and I did a fun run/ride in costumes a few days before Halloween:

We went to a fun haunted walk in Richmond, as well:

 

And, we went on a great hike up Bolton with the Wilcox family:

Our sassy cat and limbo dancer:

Taking a little time to reconnect at Indian Brook Reservoir:

Home!

Horseshoe Pond, somewhere on the border of Maine and Canada.  Via messages from Ken Wing, I was able to arrange a rendez vous with John on Saturday the 24th.  The drive wasn't bad, but a good 3.5 hours. We made it in time to see the adventurers pull the boat up to this lake and then paddle across on a gorgeous day. 

Once they paddled across Horseshoe Pond, there was a quarter mile portage to Mud Pond.  The kids and I decided to help.  It was such a workout rolling, carrying and pushing this 400 pound beast!  I couldn't believe how slow it was and how sore I was the following days!

We helped portage the rest of the gear and then headed back to Vermont.  It was a long day, but so great to have John back!

Relief!  I have never felt such a release of stress as I did when John returned to our house. . I wasn't sure if the resentment I had felt towards his trip and his being gone for a month would transend into our togetherness.  But as soon as he was back, the bad feelings disappeared and I felt an overwhelming sense if gratitude.  The first morning that I didn't have to make coffee and breakfast and get the kids moving seemed so easy.  Everything felt so "right" again.

I had my best friend back! I really did feel whole again.  Some say you shouldn't marry your best friend, but I'd argue that you should.  When you marry your best friend, you always have a playmate, a confident, and a person to pick you up when you are down.  I know I have a lot of wonderful people in my life who can be pretty amazing "fill ins", but I prefer the real deal.  John's absence was hard...... really, really hard.  But, I did dig deep and learned to appreciate so much of what he offers our family.

Helpers

It's hard for me to admit when I need help.  At first I tried to pretend I had it all under control. I try to pride myself in being capable and strong, but while John was away, I felt quite the opposite.  I tried to set everything up, so I'd be able to handle it all.  I put the kids in after school care three days a week, I hired John's niece to watch the kids on Tuesdays, the day John usually covers the afternoons and I made sure I was getting exercise.

Cath and the kids

Unfortunately, the day to day grind of being totally organized and on top of it all started to wear me down.  I wanted other people to figure out that I was struggling without me having to ask for help.  But life is busy for everyone and my situation was no harder than what a lot of people have to deal with all the time.  So I did it, I advocated for myself and asked for reinforcements.

First up, was a visit from Art and Peg.  The kids were thrilled to see them (it had been since April) and they had a fun time catching up with Chris and Catherine and helping out with afternoon and morning duties.  Peg brought dinner and we all went out one night.

Another break came when I headed down to CT to attend my dear friend, Greer's father's funeral.  Bumpa and Grandma were amazing.  They brought the kids to a science museum on Saturday so that I could catch up on grading and have some time to myself, babysat the kids on Saturday night so I could catch up with Greer, and brought the kids to a park on Sunday while I was at the funeral.

Having some time to myself was so helpful and necessary. Seeing old friends reminded me of how important it is to nurture friendships.

Upon my return, I found a dinner left in my fridge from a dear friend and a message from one of my dearest buddies.  Bo was visiting his mom and asked if I'd like a visit.  It was elixir to my soul.  Bo was a bright spot when I needed one the most. 

And even though I had just seen my parents, they came back.  I had to work an inservice day and the kids were off.  They offered to help out. 

Friends from far and wide called, came by for dinner, and offered to help out with the kids.  In the end, I needed to ask for help and it was so worth it.  I hope I can keep my eyes wide open and anticipate when friends are in need  It's always so great to get a boost from friends and family.

Benedict Arnold and the Single Mama

Two months ago, John mentioned that his friend Hodding Carter was planning another historical re-creation of an adventure.  He was planning to retrace Benedict Arnold's voyage that he took when he and 1100 men attempted to take Quebec City in 1775.  It didn't matter that it was a failed mission, but he was planning to build a bateau and he wanted John to join him for the month long adventure. 

John was a part of one of Hodding's other adventures in 1997 and 1998 when he sailed a Viking ship from Greenland to Newfoundland.  It was an adventure I'd heard a lot about.  The idea of having my husband and the coparent of our children gone for a month to do another such adventure honesty made me queasey, but I didn't want to be the reason that John didn't do this adventure.  So I put up some hurdles that needed to be overcome for this to work.  First, he'd have to keep his job, get paid, and hopefully make more money than he normally makes so that I could afford help.

He applied for an academic leave and it took a while to hear back about that.  I was in a bit of denial about what this would mean. But, three weeks before his departure, he got the news that he'd get a five week leave. We do not have family that lives nearby to rely on for extra help.  John and I really do share a lot of the parenting duties and we both work full time.  I wasn't sure what this was going to mean for me and life as I know it. 

We had a great day before he left.  We all went to the Harvest Market, a good old fashioned parade and event that John usually misses because he's out in the field with students. 

 

We had friends over for a BBQ and then watched a pop up fire show at a community members house.

When we woke up on Sunday, I had a pit in my stomach like I've never had before.  I felt this overwhelming sense of impending doom.  In the days and weeks leading up to his departure, John would occasionally say, "Jeez, the kids are arguing all the time.... they are driving me crazy".  All I could think is "this will be my reality and only mine for five weeks!".  I knew I could do the cooking, cleaning, driving, lawn mowing, wood stacking, etc., What I worried most about was my ability to be patient with the kids.  There are plenty of women out there who are single moms and they do it forever and under much worse conditions.  But being a working mom without backup was daunting, to say the least.

The kids sensed that I was struggling.  Cally said, "we've got this Mom".  I know we do have this. I know I can do this.  I will channel the strength of all the women who have done this for a much longer period of time than this. 

Meanwhile, John arrived in Maine to find Batty, the bateau just built and ready to go (albeit, leaky). Hodding is selling this story to Outside Magazine, so they spent a day in their "period clothing" getting photos taken.  Unfortunately, the period clothing is wool and it was 85 degrees that day. 

As it turns out, John and Hodding were the only two people who were committed to the entire adventure.  Others, including a videographer and the boat builder, seem to come and go.  There are also a lot more dams than Benedict and his army were faced. That is proving to be a bit of a challenge.  Batty is 400 pounds, so it takes a dozen people to move her.  It'll be interesting to see what happens when they get to the "Big Carry"-- 13 miles!

Fortunately, friend have been amazing.  Cynthia and Scott have saved the day by being soccer parents, picking up kids at soccer, inviting us over for a swim, delivering dinner, and reading with the kids.

 Claire and Jenny invited me to join their families for a night of camping at Little River State Park.  They welcomed us with open arms, cooked for us, and provided friendship and fun that we needed.

Hazey biked the machine made bike path at Little River and that made me so proud.

I am almost two weeks in.  John's absence is mostly going well. It's all a great big balancing act, but I've made sure that I get at least a little time to myself everyday for exercise.  That does wonderful things for my head.  I also started watching the Handmaid's Tale. It's dark, but it's my little reward at the end of a long day, when I don't have to grade. I'm also learning to slow down, not over schedule, and leave time for the kids to create, play, and relax.  Today, they spent two hours making a reading nook in their closet, coming up with club names, rules, and doing some decorating.  Seeing them not only get along, but work together, and be creative was a bright light in my day.

The hardest part of this single mama thing is not having to do all the "stuff".  The most difficult part is not having the emotional support that I've come to rely on from John.  He's my best friend.  He is my confident, my therapist, and my biggest cheerleader.  We do hear from him here and there, but I really, really, miss having him to help problem solve when, for example, Hazey tells me he's not a good reader and he feels dumb or Cally says she isn't good at soccer.  

Relief in the form of my in-laws is coming in tomorrow.  I know they will be wonderful about helping me with meals and whatnot, but what I'm looking forward most is for the kids to have someone else to talk to.  Anyone who knows Cally and Hazen knows that they talk a lot.  It'll be nice to be able to have a few more ears in the house.