Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow...

The excitement with Cally today came from a somewhat spontaneous outing to a local hair salon...forced to go out of desperation really. It's amazing how much of a back seat personal grooming and hygiene have taken since becoming a full time parent. It's somehow refreshing to forget when you took your last shower or wore clothes that would be generally be considered suitable for public appearance. Anyway, my usual "go to" is a little place in Burlington that charges 10 dollars for a men's cut or to my neighbor Martha who runs a salon from her house. she hasn't been around.

Aside from a chance to escape the house for an hour or so, I had no idea that our adventure might bring a possible window into our shared future. The women at the salon were of course thrilled to have a baby come visit, most of them being mothers and even grandmothers. Also interested in Cally was the receptionist...an attractive, young stylist in training who I soon learned had been crowned Miss Vermont 2009! "She is preparing for the next Miss America contest and a career in modeling," I was told with glee. "Tiffany" was super friendly. The elder stylists were fawning over Cally and were clearly tickled when telling me that Tiffany had just returned from Boston last weekend, having participated in a modeling runway event. "They even let her stay at the bar after the event," they explained,"even though she is only 18."

The older stylists excitedly encouraged Tiffany to share the photos with me of her in her make-up, gold sequined gown and and gold false eyelashes. She looked, well, pretty made up and much older than the friendly teen sitting in front of me playing with Cally. Cally, as usual, was a peach. She cooed and smiled for the ladies while I sat in the chair amused, nervously watching clumps of my hair fall to the floor...

At three months old, Katy and I have no idea what the future will bring for Cally. Developing interests and passions are less a priority than clutching dangly toys or trying to pee on her changing table BEFORE we can get a new diaper on her. I guess we've assumed that she will grow to just love spending time with us in the woods skiing, biking, hiking, paddling or climbing. With parents who are wilderness educators and instructors these are the things any of our kids should fall in love with right?

Whether we're ready to admit it or not, we've fantasized that Cally would likely play soccer in the fall (Katy would prefer field hockey as a former player and coach), ski in the winter and possibly lacrosse or baseball in the spring (okay, so the baseball fantasy is mine and mine only).

Sitting in the salon chair, I secretly celebrated the kindness, genuineness and giddiness of the elder stylists as they basked vicariously in Tiffany's beauty and bright future. Yet amidst all this good feeling and intergenerational comraderie, I suddenly felt my chest tighten and my brow furrow. I was overcome by a super bad case the "what ifs?". Cally smiled up to me oblivious, reclining in her car seat below drooling and smiling.

What if Cally wants to play hockey and we have to drag her to practice and tournaments at ungodly hours and in distant ice rinks? And, even more alarming, what if she decides she wants to be the "real" Barbie, driving around the country with a troop of made up fashionista friends in a fashionable camper going to fashion shows or modeling tryouts? What about our ski and climbing trips? what about our long bike rides on crisp fall days?

As my cut ended and the buzzer descended on to my neck, a sense of peace washed over me. I considered the children of a few of our closest friends. These little kids all seem to be hard wired to become the amazing people they will become...already! Our friend Jen is an incredible singer, songwriter and thespian, but her boys want nothing more than to play with trucks and heavy machinery and, occasionally, play with trucks and heavy machinery. Our friend Mary, a former collegiate Division I field hockey player, had dreamed of having a daughter that would follow in this tradition of high level competitive athletics. Claire instead is preparing for an upcoming ballet recital...and really excited about it.

As we drove up the hill toward home, I looked in to the little car seat mirror fom my rear view and watched as Cally's heavy lids dropped to her favorite meditation music... the car motor. In the end, who can predict the path our kids will take? Some are predictable and laser focused, the others seeming wild cards. Beside, maybe if Cally ends up on "Project Runway" I will finally meet Heidi Klum in person.

Jon Stewart & Ice Cats Go to Frozen Four!

Katy, Cally and I had an incredible day of spring skiing at Mad River Glen ("Ski It If You Can" takes on whole different meaning this time of year). We saw lots of old friends and had a great time with Nils, Jen and their boys Willem and Shay. The boys were super charged up and Willem, at age 5, had his stuffed tiger leashed into his chest pocket for safety. Cally, as usual, was stealth in her ability to charm all the locals drinking beer on the porch, holding court from the plush confines of her car seat. A little, blond 2-year-old named Natalie was fascinated by Cally and wanted to pet her red hair. Katy and I decided to put sunscreen on her little, alabaster limbs and face to avoid burning...despite the nay sayer warnings about use of lotions etc. on babies. Unfortunately, with her beautiful red hair comes fair skin for baby Cally.

After a stop at Uncle Tom Hart's 50th birthday (with pies of all kinds and live acoustic music) we brought Cally to one of her first babysitters. Caroline, one of the student leaders I work with at UVM, was excited to sit...possibly until she realized that after 7pm, Cally would largely be sleeping.

The parental reflection for the day (on the eve of Katy's birthday) came courtesy of stand up comedian and star of the "Daily Show", Jon Stewart. Mr. Stewart's appearance at UVM has been long awaited. He is possibly the most trusted political commentator in the country amongst the college set...and proved last night he could be the funniest. As I'm not a big TV person, I've only seen his show a couple of times. I have, however, always admired his unabashed efforts to surface and lampoon political idiocy of all stripes.

The monologue that started the evening was Jon Stewart's rumination on the "groovy vibe" he got while walking around Burlington yesterday morning. He observed Burlington to be so hip, good and sustainably cool, "that even the homeless people seemed happy" (we, unfortunately, know otherwise coming off a January that never saw the temps rise above freezing). Just when he had the crowd stewing in juices of self-adoration, Stewart continued,"For a little state like VT that is so progressive and cool, how did you get a Governor who such a shit head?" The crowd went wild as he publicly skewered Jim Douglas for recently declaring his intention to veto the gay marriage bill (see post titled "Whoa Governor" for more here).

As the night wore on his topical jabs landed on the jaw of George Bush, Dick Cheney, intelligent designers, homophobes, xenophobes, war supporters, Rush Limbaugh and the like. The most impressive and encouraging part of the evening saw Stewart's tone became more serious. Here he explained his belief that one of the most potent and influential forces in the world, in his estimation, has been the positivity and energy of his children. After a momentary pang of guilt subsided (having left our child at a babysitter to see a comedian:) I was amazed to hear his parenting commentary. He described in detail how valuable the lessons are he learns from his kids," They are open,energetic, non-jaded and haven't developed the capacity for sarcasm yet," Stewart allowed. He then described how intuitive and loving his 4 year-old daughter is when he comes home from shooting the "Daily Show", saying things like, "Daddy, you must be tired from telling jokes all day. Do you want me to tell you some jokes?"

Alternately, Stewart cut to the sometime heathen and primal realities of little boys, embodied by his 3-year-old son Nate. "While my daughter, at age 4 1/2 is sensitive to my needs and willing to help people other than herself, my son is running around the house buck naked in his little cowboy hat, trying to stuff his fist in his mouth while trying to say, "look at me daddy!""

I'm not at all sure that Jon Stewart's insights into gendered intuition in little kids will have bearing in Cally's life or my relationship with her as she grows. I guess as a new dad, I appreciated him risking vulnerability and acknowledging the impact and lessons we learn from kids if we remain open to them...even though this might have seemed uncool to the largely student crowd.

Newsflash: The UVM Men's Hockey team is in the Frozen Four by beating the Air Force Academy 3-2...in a weird twist of fate, the refs realized a goal had been scored seconds earlier, while reviewing a possible penalty call in front of the net. Replay clearly showed the puck has went through and not over the net...DC here comes the Cats!

Ski Season Swan Song

Every season has to come to an eventual end, and none is more difficult to see go here in the Green Mts. than ski season. That final sunny day when the road you've been skinning in deep packed snow becomes spotty and you have to ford stretches of dirt to keep skis on snow. This afternoon Katy and I took Cally on what may be our last back country ski adventure this spring on the "Teardrop", a winding and wooded trail that descends from below the summit of Mt. Mansfield to the hardwood forests on the flanks below...

Cally is super excited as we scoop her from the car seat to her true seat of choice, the Baby Bjorn. She knows intuitively that the Bjorn means movement and movement will soon mean sleep. This is a celebratory sunny day and we share the ritual with our friends Anton, Amy and Fax, patient with us as we go through pre-flight check with Cal Pal. As we start the hike up I always wonder what Cally is making of the bright sun, the birds active in the tree tops and the brooks that babble under foot along the old logging roads we ascend. While I realize she won't remember these jaunts with Katy and me, will the rhythm of our ski stride feel familiar some day? Does she connect to the same feeling she had in utero as Katy and I made these same climbs in November?

When the climbing gets steep and the switchback require use of heel lifters, we realize this is the end of the road for Cally. We say our goodbyes to our friends. They continue and climb higher. Given our shared passion for skiing, mountain biking, climbing and adventure of all sort, most would consider skiing these open trails with a baby "on board" too risky or irresponsible. Katy and I have skied these woods for years and know what to expect from conditions and pitch. I decide to leave skins on to check my speed with Cally in front. Katy skis out before us to report on rocks, open water or branches hiding in the greatly thinned snow pack.

Cally is awake, aware and taking it all in as we pick our way slowly though the woods. It's a glorious trip down, sunny, warm and these moments reflective. In one season we've gone from pregnant couple to family and are enjoying every minute of it. We finally reach the muddy open spaces, our skate stops spew heavy wet corn snow into mini rooster tails. The familiar click, click of the bindings coming off, and the usual check under the hod of the Bjorn to see if Cally is sleeping, marks the end of another great ski season for us. Unusually, Cally is awake and calm.

With weeks of mud season still ahead (Vermont's famed fifth season) thoughts now drift to dry single track and devising ways for Katy and I to ride with Cally in her Chariot...

Whoa Governor!

When I embarked on this journey with Cally, I guess I should have known that protective instinct and discovering the depth of love for your child would show itself at the strangest times and in some pretty unusual places. Today the spark came by way of disbelief that our Governor, Jim Douglas, announced he would veto the gay marriage bill currently receiving wide support in the Vermont State legislature.

What it all comes down to for me is human rights, the most basic being that of self determination. Aside from the ongoing disbelief of having to watch gay friends and colleagues continue to endure the spite and humiliation of people in positions of power trying to legislate how they are able to commit their love and parent...I have another important life to consider now as well.

I want to live in a country where my children can have full legal and constitutional rights regardless of how they identify by gender or sexual orientation...period.

Another believer in this ideal (and recent convert to marriage rights activism) is our local daily paper’s (The Burlington Free Press) former editorial writer, Stephen Kiernan, who wrote a 1999 editorial opposing same-sex marriage, a position he called in a recent editorial “my enduring shame.”

Kieran stated, “When it comes to matters of social justice, I did the worst thing possible: I compromised. If I may share the perspective of a person who spent a decade knowing his compromising was wrong,” added Kiernan, “I would offer the governor just three words: Stand for something.”

While I don't want to bore non-locals with all the political mechanics here in the green mtn. state, I will end my thoughts on the matter with a tip of the hat to the person I belive has offered the most sane and eloquent testimony this week. Sen. John Campbell (D-Windsor)spoke from his heart in saying, "Marriage needs to be inclusive, and to bring into its fold people who are committed to upholding its rights and responsibilities." He took offense at opponents who labeled gays and lesbians “those people.”

“You know who ‘those people’ are?” asked Campbell. “They are our children, our sisters, our brothers. They are human beings and, as such, and as it’s said in this bill, they should be treated equally.”

C'mon governor...get on the right side of history early for once.

Roll Over Beethoven...

The wonders never seem to cease when it comes to the speed with which Cally seems to develop...almost on a day to day basis. She isn't far away from being able to roll from her back onto her stomach, mostly for sake of necessity (when her pacifier falls out of her mouth when napping). So far Cally has fruitlessly snapped at it with her open mouth like a little turtle on it's back trying to eat a bug.
The nicknames also seem to keep coming in waves. Most recently in favor have been "Barack Obama ears" in celebration of her her cute little ears outward migration and my personal favorite (in celebration of Cally's incredible and newly arrived saliva production) "Drooly McCoy"...a tip of the hat to the famed social coordinator from the smash 70's sitcom "The Love Boat" that turned out to be an endless commercial for the cruise industry. The other night our friend Tom also pronounced Cally's likeness to a baby orangutan because of the tossed red fuzzy hair on top of her head.
Other dexterity tricks Cally's been experimenting with in the past couple of days:
grabbing little toys and rattles and being able to hold onto them and clutching our hands while feeding her. We've also got Cally started on the "Baby Bungee" our friends Chris and Kara gave us. It's a riot watching her dangle from a door frame velcro'ed into her purple harness and trying to feel her legs and bounce. 10 minutes worth on Monday had her all tuckered out. she dropped like a bag of cement when she hit the crib for a nap immediately after.
Me well I'm adjusting to trying live and accomplish projects in one hour plus snatches of time. While society doesn't seem close to as bleak for me as in the famed T.S. Eliott poem "Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock" (not with daycares to to visit, library parenting group and trips to the dump with Cally, yesterday scoring a 1970's Genesee Ale apres' ski poster for my garage art collection:) I am relating to the idea of "measuring out my life with coffee spoons"! Parenthood has surely brought a huge alignment of priorities and reflection and "spitting out the butt ends of my days and ways"!

Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,	50
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
And I have known the eyes already, known them all—	55
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?

Let Gas Be Your Guide...

Monday, March 16th began as most mornings have of late. Cally woke us up with her usual little squawk and stir from the Moses basket. After the awaited feeding as she lay between us in bed, she entertained us with waves of smiling and cooing that have become legendary. The surge of coffee to the brain pales in comparison to the positivity and kick in our step that comes simply and innocently from just one of Cally's smiles.
Today is special because it's our first big day together...the one I've been waiting for. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm ready, right? I've been giving her bottles, changing diapers, doing laundry, swaddling her for sleep since her earliest days on the planet.
All went smoothly until after the post nap bottle this afternoon. While burping little Cal, her little body went stiff as a board and the gutteral cries Katy and I refer to as "the Wildcat" (because of the joined wail and growl) started rolling...and rolling...and rolling. If she's fed, has a dry diaper and isn't tired...life is typically all good.
Without direction and looking for some magic wand to wave for for relief, I tried calling Katy who was unreachable having just started class. At about an hour in, I put Cally over my shoulder and a glorious burp leapt forth...relief for her and pennies from heaven for Dad!
What I am fast discovering, is that parenting a baby is a meditation of sorts. The practice demands presence and patience. It requires living in the moment and attending to he small things that make us both stronger. Cally's comfort, growth and happiness is inextricably bound to my own. We are on an incredible journey together and I'm pretty sure she will be doing most of the driving...

Houston We Have Lift Off!

Well, isn't this an incredible irony...one of the least technologically advanced beings on the planet has found function and literary opportunity as a blogger. More importantly I've begun my journey as a full-time, stay at home dad with our 3 month-old daughter Cally...the real reason and shining light behind my want to share my experiences with family, friends, colleagues and other dads who have or are anticipating life as a primary parent.
For the next six weeks of my parenting leave, I'll attempt to capture the joy of watching her grow and share reflections of my learning and development as a first time dad. Add the additional life challenges of trying to be a supportive husband to my wife Katy (now back to teaching at our local high school), attempting to complete our house (currently STILL under renovation), getting our energetic (but highly insubordinate) puppy Zephyr to behave, attending weekly classes to fulfill doctoral degree requirements, adventuring outdoors as much as possible and all the while trying to stay connected to my professional responsibilities directing the outdoor programs at UVM... I'm sure the sparks will be flying!