UVM Ice Cats Shut Down...

Well folks, the dream of winning the NCAA Division I Hockey title ended abruptly last night as the UVM men's hockey team lost to the top ranked team in the country, BU and their deep crop of overly WASPy, assuredly NHL bound players. Cally's first experience viewing the Frozen Four semifinal was rather uneventful...she witnessed a lot of ambient, unintelligible screaming as UVM pulled into the lead with an incredible second period push to take the lead at 3-2. She saw some new ceiling and dogs peering into her Moses basket, and generally seemed to enjoy the viewing atmosphere of the Ganzenmueller's living room. Awakened numerous times by her not so bright and overly emotive father, when Cally was asked for her insight into UVM's heartbreaking loss, she offered no comment...

See official report below. It was one of those nights folks, where the title was at times so close we could taste here in the hills of VT. Big thanks to the Homesteading Hussy for hostessing. We'll see you next year, BU!

WASHINGTON - No. 1 Boston University overcame a 4-3 deficit with less than seven minutes remaining in regulation to defeat No. 3 Vermont, 5-4, at the Frozen Four in front of a sellout crowd of 18,427 at the Verizon Center on Thursday night. Hobey Baker finalist Colin Wilson scored the game winner with 5:41 left in regulation, to send BU to its 10th national championship game in program history. The Terriers (34-6-4) will face No. 4 Miami on Saturday at 7 p.m. in the NCAA title game while the Catamounts end their season at 22-12-5.

Cally, John & Katy's Excellent Adventures...

weather report today: snowing and mid 30's, four inches over night.
house projects: laundry, dishes, installed slider in cabinets, assembled shower rod for bathroom. need more parts....

Ever get the feeling that you've lived a lifetime in a week? Last week with Cally was it. Katy and I have watched her seemingly transition from small, passive, happy baby who needs us to provide everything, to an active, engaged, rowdy baby who is starting to splash, grab and jump in her bungee bouncer...all in a a matter of days! At times she seems as surprised as we are at the things her body is able to do now.

The only thing that has changed as fast as Cally this week is the VT spring weather. The old saying, "if you want the weather to change in VT just wait an hour," has rung true here in the Green Mountain State. Since my last post, it's gone from cold and snowy, to warm and muddy, to rainy, cold and raw. Yesterday we reverted back to snow once gain.

If you were here last week, these are a few of things you'd have done with us...

Trip to the Golden Dome 4/2/09:
On Thursday, Cally & I went to Montpelier for a rally outside the statehouse in support of the Gay Marriage Bill. As working life rarely allows for free afternoons with no projects or agendas (never mind a protest), we hit the road after her nap. As it turned out, the rally never happened but we had a very social and educational afternoon. We were able to sit in the state legislative chamber and hear emotional testimony live from both sides of the aisle...Cally was excited to see all the people and hear all the sounds. Me, I was proud to live in a state where public democracy for the people is alive and well. We sat in the lobby alongside the "one man, one woman crowd" and during a break, were visited by the senate leader, Peter Shumlin. Everyone likes babies and he was fascinated by how happy Cally was...and oh that red hair!

An unexpected highlight was seeing our friends Sarah and Caroline and their new baby. Katy and I met them originally in our birthing class last fall. We live only one town away and will be getting our babies together soon. We also saw another friend from our class, Dave. He was a bit busier than us for two reasons. 1) In addition to their new baby he and Katie have 2 other kids under five at home and 2) he is legal council to the legislature and helps shape the legally binding language of bills and policy. We also saw our friend Alden who's been working hard in support of Vt. Freedom to Marry...when not logging the 1,000 or so miles he's already put on his road bike this season.

Prologue: After the Gay Marriage Bill passed in both the VT Senate and the House by wide margins, Governor Douglas vetoed the legislation for ideological reasons. Justice and the beauty of small state democracy prevailed however on Monday. The Governor's veto was overridden with the Democrats scuttling exactly 100 votes...the magic number needed to win a 2/3 majority. Vermont has again made history by becoming the first state in the US to legislate for legalizing gay marriage and not having it constitutionally decided in the courts. Way to go Vermont!

Here's Milk in Your Eye 4/4/09:
One of our new favorite past times has been playing with Cally in her bungee bouncer and watch her feel her legs and walk around supported. On Saturday night I prepared to take advantage of my "dad pass" (thanks Katy!) and spent a night out in Burlington with our friend Macmo. We went to Higher Ground to see Dinosaur Jr.and waded the sea of hipsters. It felt like 1992 all over again... J Mascis is definitely not God, but getting closer every year. Now back to our story...

Before I left, Katy was practicing some "mommy calisthenics" she'd read about in a magazine. Most of these require using Cally's weight as resistance, sitting up with her on your chest repeatedly or repeatedly pushing her up over your head while reclining on your back. Just as Katy was embracing this exercise and the joy of Cal pal's smiles over head, I heard a little "Blorp!" followed by Katy's scream for me to come quick. When I looked over the from the bathroom, Katy was on the floor, intentionally still, with Cally suspended above her looking down toward her mom's eye socket smiling...now filled with a pool of cottage cheesy, regurgitated breast milk!

When we discovered Katy was pregnant, she was emphatic about one thing looking forward to parenthood. " I don't do throw-up," she explained. Not grossed out by much, I foolishly agreed to do puke patrol when necessary. After swiping the spit-up from her eye and washing up, Katy agreed that baby puke is pretty innocuous compared to the normal adult variety....well, you get the picture.

Running Back to Winter 4/7/09:
One of the challenges we've been facing is how to get exercise in a way that both satisfies our needs, has minimal impact and maximizes fun for Cally. Our Chariot has been just the tool. My parent's, Art & Peg, generously gifted us one upon Cally's arrival. We've been chomping at the bit for her to get big enough to use it. Warning: Not intended for use by children 3 months or younger...

Anyway, if the logistics of getting a run or ski in with a baby this time of year don't wear you down, the weather definitely will. With all the rain and cold of late it's been hard to motivate to get out. Yesterday Katy and I decided that even if it was raining, we had to pack up Peanut (one of our nicknames for Cally who hangs tough in the 25% for weight in kids her age) in the Chariot and run. We are sorely undertrained for the VT City Marathon we registered to run on Memorial Day weekend, now only 6ish weeks away! So, with rain coming down and temps hovering near freezing yesterday, we packed Cally into her little fleece suit, belted her into the Chariot (she hates this part) and headed up Lee River Rd. toward the Mtn. Warfare School...our typical short loop from home.

Katy and I caught up on our day and chugged up the road with Cally, taking it all in from her seat. We often wonder what the heck she is thinking as the landscape shifts around corners, cars pass, and the Chariot suspension compresses while on the shoulder or blasting over pot holes. Today the rain started getting kind of thick out of the gate and soon turned to snow. We were a couple miles from home at this point and had no choice but to keep going. Our friend Mary and her kids (who had dropped in to see us but found the house empty) stopped when they saw us on the road. Glad as always to see Claire and her and Austin's twins Augie and Timmy, we pulled up to the van window to say hi. When I looked down to check on Cally in her little weather proof pod, there was about an inch of slush on her windshield. When I wiped it away, I saw her little smiling face peeking out of her fuzzy suit and the gleaming gums of her widest smile. It's been the moments like these that have put all the little nagging things and minor inconveniences (unfinished house, dog that likes to pee in our new bathroom) of life into perspective. When we arrived back home with the snow driving, we took a family photo (above).

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow...

The excitement with Cally today came from a somewhat spontaneous outing to a local hair salon...forced to go out of desperation really. It's amazing how much of a back seat personal grooming and hygiene have taken since becoming a full time parent. It's somehow refreshing to forget when you took your last shower or wore clothes that would be generally be considered suitable for public appearance. Anyway, my usual "go to" is a little place in Burlington that charges 10 dollars for a men's cut or to my neighbor Martha who runs a salon from her house. she hasn't been around.

Aside from a chance to escape the house for an hour or so, I had no idea that our adventure might bring a possible window into our shared future. The women at the salon were of course thrilled to have a baby come visit, most of them being mothers and even grandmothers. Also interested in Cally was the receptionist...an attractive, young stylist in training who I soon learned had been crowned Miss Vermont 2009! "She is preparing for the next Miss America contest and a career in modeling," I was told with glee. "Tiffany" was super friendly. The elder stylists were fawning over Cally and were clearly tickled when telling me that Tiffany had just returned from Boston last weekend, having participated in a modeling runway event. "They even let her stay at the bar after the event," they explained,"even though she is only 18."

The older stylists excitedly encouraged Tiffany to share the photos with me of her in her make-up, gold sequined gown and and gold false eyelashes. She looked, well, pretty made up and much older than the friendly teen sitting in front of me playing with Cally. Cally, as usual, was a peach. She cooed and smiled for the ladies while I sat in the chair amused, nervously watching clumps of my hair fall to the floor...

At three months old, Katy and I have no idea what the future will bring for Cally. Developing interests and passions are less a priority than clutching dangly toys or trying to pee on her changing table BEFORE we can get a new diaper on her. I guess we've assumed that she will grow to just love spending time with us in the woods skiing, biking, hiking, paddling or climbing. With parents who are wilderness educators and instructors these are the things any of our kids should fall in love with right?

Whether we're ready to admit it or not, we've fantasized that Cally would likely play soccer in the fall (Katy would prefer field hockey as a former player and coach), ski in the winter and possibly lacrosse or baseball in the spring (okay, so the baseball fantasy is mine and mine only).

Sitting in the salon chair, I secretly celebrated the kindness, genuineness and giddiness of the elder stylists as they basked vicariously in Tiffany's beauty and bright future. Yet amidst all this good feeling and intergenerational comraderie, I suddenly felt my chest tighten and my brow furrow. I was overcome by a super bad case the "what ifs?". Cally smiled up to me oblivious, reclining in her car seat below drooling and smiling.

What if Cally wants to play hockey and we have to drag her to practice and tournaments at ungodly hours and in distant ice rinks? And, even more alarming, what if she decides she wants to be the "real" Barbie, driving around the country with a troop of made up fashionista friends in a fashionable camper going to fashion shows or modeling tryouts? What about our ski and climbing trips? what about our long bike rides on crisp fall days?

As my cut ended and the buzzer descended on to my neck, a sense of peace washed over me. I considered the children of a few of our closest friends. These little kids all seem to be hard wired to become the amazing people they will become...already! Our friend Jen is an incredible singer, songwriter and thespian, but her boys want nothing more than to play with trucks and heavy machinery and, occasionally, play with trucks and heavy machinery. Our friend Mary, a former collegiate Division I field hockey player, had dreamed of having a daughter that would follow in this tradition of high level competitive athletics. Claire instead is preparing for an upcoming ballet recital...and really excited about it.

As we drove up the hill toward home, I looked in to the little car seat mirror fom my rear view and watched as Cally's heavy lids dropped to her favorite meditation music... the car motor. In the end, who can predict the path our kids will take? Some are predictable and laser focused, the others seeming wild cards. Beside, maybe if Cally ends up on "Project Runway" I will finally meet Heidi Klum in person.

Jon Stewart & Ice Cats Go to Frozen Four!

Katy, Cally and I had an incredible day of spring skiing at Mad River Glen ("Ski It If You Can" takes on whole different meaning this time of year). We saw lots of old friends and had a great time with Nils, Jen and their boys Willem and Shay. The boys were super charged up and Willem, at age 5, had his stuffed tiger leashed into his chest pocket for safety. Cally, as usual, was stealth in her ability to charm all the locals drinking beer on the porch, holding court from the plush confines of her car seat. A little, blond 2-year-old named Natalie was fascinated by Cally and wanted to pet her red hair. Katy and I decided to put sunscreen on her little, alabaster limbs and face to avoid burning...despite the nay sayer warnings about use of lotions etc. on babies. Unfortunately, with her beautiful red hair comes fair skin for baby Cally.

After a stop at Uncle Tom Hart's 50th birthday (with pies of all kinds and live acoustic music) we brought Cally to one of her first babysitters. Caroline, one of the student leaders I work with at UVM, was excited to sit...possibly until she realized that after 7pm, Cally would largely be sleeping.

The parental reflection for the day (on the eve of Katy's birthday) came courtesy of stand up comedian and star of the "Daily Show", Jon Stewart. Mr. Stewart's appearance at UVM has been long awaited. He is possibly the most trusted political commentator in the country amongst the college set...and proved last night he could be the funniest. As I'm not a big TV person, I've only seen his show a couple of times. I have, however, always admired his unabashed efforts to surface and lampoon political idiocy of all stripes.

The monologue that started the evening was Jon Stewart's rumination on the "groovy vibe" he got while walking around Burlington yesterday morning. He observed Burlington to be so hip, good and sustainably cool, "that even the homeless people seemed happy" (we, unfortunately, know otherwise coming off a January that never saw the temps rise above freezing). Just when he had the crowd stewing in juices of self-adoration, Stewart continued,"For a little state like VT that is so progressive and cool, how did you get a Governor who such a shit head?" The crowd went wild as he publicly skewered Jim Douglas for recently declaring his intention to veto the gay marriage bill (see post titled "Whoa Governor" for more here).

As the night wore on his topical jabs landed on the jaw of George Bush, Dick Cheney, intelligent designers, homophobes, xenophobes, war supporters, Rush Limbaugh and the like. The most impressive and encouraging part of the evening saw Stewart's tone became more serious. Here he explained his belief that one of the most potent and influential forces in the world, in his estimation, has been the positivity and energy of his children. After a momentary pang of guilt subsided (having left our child at a babysitter to see a comedian:) I was amazed to hear his parenting commentary. He described in detail how valuable the lessons are he learns from his kids," They are open,energetic, non-jaded and haven't developed the capacity for sarcasm yet," Stewart allowed. He then described how intuitive and loving his 4 year-old daughter is when he comes home from shooting the "Daily Show", saying things like, "Daddy, you must be tired from telling jokes all day. Do you want me to tell you some jokes?"

Alternately, Stewart cut to the sometime heathen and primal realities of little boys, embodied by his 3-year-old son Nate. "While my daughter, at age 4 1/2 is sensitive to my needs and willing to help people other than herself, my son is running around the house buck naked in his little cowboy hat, trying to stuff his fist in his mouth while trying to say, "look at me daddy!""

I'm not at all sure that Jon Stewart's insights into gendered intuition in little kids will have bearing in Cally's life or my relationship with her as she grows. I guess as a new dad, I appreciated him risking vulnerability and acknowledging the impact and lessons we learn from kids if we remain open to them...even though this might have seemed uncool to the largely student crowd.

Newsflash: The UVM Men's Hockey team is in the Frozen Four by beating the Air Force Academy 3-2...in a weird twist of fate, the refs realized a goal had been scored seconds earlier, while reviewing a possible penalty call in front of the net. Replay clearly showed the puck has went through and not over the net...DC here comes the Cats!

Ski Season Swan Song

Every season has to come to an eventual end, and none is more difficult to see go here in the Green Mts. than ski season. That final sunny day when the road you've been skinning in deep packed snow becomes spotty and you have to ford stretches of dirt to keep skis on snow. This afternoon Katy and I took Cally on what may be our last back country ski adventure this spring on the "Teardrop", a winding and wooded trail that descends from below the summit of Mt. Mansfield to the hardwood forests on the flanks below...

Cally is super excited as we scoop her from the car seat to her true seat of choice, the Baby Bjorn. She knows intuitively that the Bjorn means movement and movement will soon mean sleep. This is a celebratory sunny day and we share the ritual with our friends Anton, Amy and Fax, patient with us as we go through pre-flight check with Cal Pal. As we start the hike up I always wonder what Cally is making of the bright sun, the birds active in the tree tops and the brooks that babble under foot along the old logging roads we ascend. While I realize she won't remember these jaunts with Katy and me, will the rhythm of our ski stride feel familiar some day? Does she connect to the same feeling she had in utero as Katy and I made these same climbs in November?

When the climbing gets steep and the switchback require use of heel lifters, we realize this is the end of the road for Cally. We say our goodbyes to our friends. They continue and climb higher. Given our shared passion for skiing, mountain biking, climbing and adventure of all sort, most would consider skiing these open trails with a baby "on board" too risky or irresponsible. Katy and I have skied these woods for years and know what to expect from conditions and pitch. I decide to leave skins on to check my speed with Cally in front. Katy skis out before us to report on rocks, open water or branches hiding in the greatly thinned snow pack.

Cally is awake, aware and taking it all in as we pick our way slowly though the woods. It's a glorious trip down, sunny, warm and these moments reflective. In one season we've gone from pregnant couple to family and are enjoying every minute of it. We finally reach the muddy open spaces, our skate stops spew heavy wet corn snow into mini rooster tails. The familiar click, click of the bindings coming off, and the usual check under the hod of the Bjorn to see if Cally is sleeping, marks the end of another great ski season for us. Unusually, Cally is awake and calm.

With weeks of mud season still ahead (Vermont's famed fifth season) thoughts now drift to dry single track and devising ways for Katy and I to ride with Cally in her Chariot...

Whoa Governor!

When I embarked on this journey with Cally, I guess I should have known that protective instinct and discovering the depth of love for your child would show itself at the strangest times and in some pretty unusual places. Today the spark came by way of disbelief that our Governor, Jim Douglas, announced he would veto the gay marriage bill currently receiving wide support in the Vermont State legislature.

What it all comes down to for me is human rights, the most basic being that of self determination. Aside from the ongoing disbelief of having to watch gay friends and colleagues continue to endure the spite and humiliation of people in positions of power trying to legislate how they are able to commit their love and parent...I have another important life to consider now as well.

I want to live in a country where my children can have full legal and constitutional rights regardless of how they identify by gender or sexual orientation...period.

Another believer in this ideal (and recent convert to marriage rights activism) is our local daily paper’s (The Burlington Free Press) former editorial writer, Stephen Kiernan, who wrote a 1999 editorial opposing same-sex marriage, a position he called in a recent editorial “my enduring shame.”

Kieran stated, “When it comes to matters of social justice, I did the worst thing possible: I compromised. If I may share the perspective of a person who spent a decade knowing his compromising was wrong,” added Kiernan, “I would offer the governor just three words: Stand for something.”

While I don't want to bore non-locals with all the political mechanics here in the green mtn. state, I will end my thoughts on the matter with a tip of the hat to the person I belive has offered the most sane and eloquent testimony this week. Sen. John Campbell (D-Windsor)spoke from his heart in saying, "Marriage needs to be inclusive, and to bring into its fold people who are committed to upholding its rights and responsibilities." He took offense at opponents who labeled gays and lesbians “those people.”

“You know who ‘those people’ are?” asked Campbell. “They are our children, our sisters, our brothers. They are human beings and, as such, and as it’s said in this bill, they should be treated equally.”

C'mon governor...get on the right side of history early for once.

Roll Over Beethoven...

The wonders never seem to cease when it comes to the speed with which Cally seems to develop...almost on a day to day basis. She isn't far away from being able to roll from her back onto her stomach, mostly for sake of necessity (when her pacifier falls out of her mouth when napping). So far Cally has fruitlessly snapped at it with her open mouth like a little turtle on it's back trying to eat a bug.
The nicknames also seem to keep coming in waves. Most recently in favor have been "Barack Obama ears" in celebration of her her cute little ears outward migration and my personal favorite (in celebration of Cally's incredible and newly arrived saliva production) "Drooly McCoy"...a tip of the hat to the famed social coordinator from the smash 70's sitcom "The Love Boat" that turned out to be an endless commercial for the cruise industry. The other night our friend Tom also pronounced Cally's likeness to a baby orangutan because of the tossed red fuzzy hair on top of her head.
Other dexterity tricks Cally's been experimenting with in the past couple of days:
grabbing little toys and rattles and being able to hold onto them and clutching our hands while feeding her. We've also got Cally started on the "Baby Bungee" our friends Chris and Kara gave us. It's a riot watching her dangle from a door frame velcro'ed into her purple harness and trying to feel her legs and bounce. 10 minutes worth on Monday had her all tuckered out. she dropped like a bag of cement when she hit the crib for a nap immediately after.
Me well I'm adjusting to trying live and accomplish projects in one hour plus snatches of time. While society doesn't seem close to as bleak for me as in the famed T.S. Eliott poem "Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock" (not with daycares to to visit, library parenting group and trips to the dump with Cally, yesterday scoring a 1970's Genesee Ale apres' ski poster for my garage art collection:) I am relating to the idea of "measuring out my life with coffee spoons"! Parenthood has surely brought a huge alignment of priorities and reflection and "spitting out the butt ends of my days and ways"!

Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,	50
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
And I have known the eyes already, known them all—	55
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?

Let Gas Be Your Guide...

Monday, March 16th began as most mornings have of late. Cally woke us up with her usual little squawk and stir from the Moses basket. After the awaited feeding as she lay between us in bed, she entertained us with waves of smiling and cooing that have become legendary. The surge of coffee to the brain pales in comparison to the positivity and kick in our step that comes simply and innocently from just one of Cally's smiles.
Today is special because it's our first big day together...the one I've been waiting for. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm ready, right? I've been giving her bottles, changing diapers, doing laundry, swaddling her for sleep since her earliest days on the planet.
All went smoothly until after the post nap bottle this afternoon. While burping little Cal, her little body went stiff as a board and the gutteral cries Katy and I refer to as "the Wildcat" (because of the joined wail and growl) started rolling...and rolling...and rolling. If she's fed, has a dry diaper and isn't tired...life is typically all good.
Without direction and looking for some magic wand to wave for for relief, I tried calling Katy who was unreachable having just started class. At about an hour in, I put Cally over my shoulder and a glorious burp leapt forth...relief for her and pennies from heaven for Dad!
What I am fast discovering, is that parenting a baby is a meditation of sorts. The practice demands presence and patience. It requires living in the moment and attending to he small things that make us both stronger. Cally's comfort, growth and happiness is inextricably bound to my own. We are on an incredible journey together and I'm pretty sure she will be doing most of the driving...

Houston We Have Lift Off!

Well, isn't this an incredible irony...one of the least technologically advanced beings on the planet has found function and literary opportunity as a blogger. More importantly I've begun my journey as a full-time, stay at home dad with our 3 month-old daughter Cally...the real reason and shining light behind my want to share my experiences with family, friends, colleagues and other dads who have or are anticipating life as a primary parent.
For the next six weeks of my parenting leave, I'll attempt to capture the joy of watching her grow and share reflections of my learning and development as a first time dad. Add the additional life challenges of trying to be a supportive husband to my wife Katy (now back to teaching at our local high school), attempting to complete our house (currently STILL under renovation), getting our energetic (but highly insubordinate) puppy Zephyr to behave, attending weekly classes to fulfill doctoral degree requirements, adventuring outdoors as much as possible and all the while trying to stay connected to my professional responsibilities directing the outdoor programs at UVM... I'm sure the sparks will be flying!